Albrecht’s Pearl 60

 Chapter 60

****

Louise felt the stare and tugged at her sleeve, draping it over the back of her hand. The slight red marks on her face had disappeared within a day, thank goodness.

"I should be fine, it's my fault I didn't tell you before anyway, and if I keep apologizing, he’ll eventually accept it."

A lie she couldn't fool even herself, but she could fool the maid easily enough.

Pauline blinked, then hesitantly asked.

"Then the medicine is..................."

Louise flashed a wry smile.

"I won't take the pills anymore. In fact, I haven't taken them in days."

It was a lie, too, because she'd only been gone for two days, and she'd had to swallow the pills she'd missed the day before in one sitting.

"If the one thing you don't want to give me is a child, I'll take it."

It would be disloyal to give birth to a child to a man who said such a thing. Louise was more determined than ever not to do so.

All she had to offer him was her loyalty as a subject and a piece of her heart. Even that he had already trampled underfoot.

***

The man who had valued the gaze of others so highly no longer smiled at Louise, even in front of others. No more hugs on the shoulders or kisses on the cheeks.

Contrary to his words that he would see to it that Louise would have a baby, he hadn’t come into the bedroom.

He did, however, hunt earlier than usual, with guns blazing, and a taxidermist on the top floor of the mansion. It was as if his anger had turned to innocent animals.

The air near his office always smelled of strong cigars, sometimes burning all night long.

Yet he was always busy during the day, sometimes absent for days at a time.

To her dismay, Louise felt like she could hear the wolves howling again.

After a month or so, there was no one in the manor who didn't know that the couple had grown apart.

One day, the butler, who had come to visit Louise on another matter, hesitated by the door.

"Uh, madam."

"Go ahead, Martin."

Louise's answer was uncharacteristic, but the old butler sighed and then spoke.

"How can I guess what is going on between you two, my lady, but my master is so troubled."

Was he talking about Caius?

Louise blinked her eyes lazily.

"He hasn't slept properly in a month, I think, and he drinks too much."

Martin bowed deeply in front of the speechless Louise.

"He has a big job............... ahead of him, and she’s been through a lot, and it's not long now."

Louise pulled at the corners of her mouth and smiled.

"I know, and I wish I could help, but..................."

Even if she wanted to, it was out of her hands.

After the trip to Nas, Caius didn't seem to trust her anymore. Her decision not to have children was personal, and she could no longer work for him, not even as a servant.

Caius would tell her nothing. He was acting as if she had ceased to exist. When Louise was silent, Martin continued.

"I beg you, my lady. I trust you two still have compassion for each other."

Compassion.

Louise lifted her gaze to meet Martin's.

The butler has no idea what a harsh price she was paying for her compassion for him, for not knowing her position. Or perhaps it was just her own foolishness for not being more than compassionate.

"How dare I have compassion on Your Excellency?"

At this small answer, the butler straightened and faced Louise squarely.

"He is a poor man, my lady, and though I regret it now, I was once harsh to him as a child, not to mention the former Margrave.”

His dark ash-colored eyes seemed to wander through the old past, and there was a note of regret in his voice.

"He’s never been loved, so he doesn’t know how to love, but I beg you to pardon me, and at least give him a warm word............... first."

With those words, Martin bowed deeply once more and left the room.

***

Louise hadn't been sleeping well lately, and neither had he. And on a day like this, it was even worse.

As usual, she stayed up late, tossing and turning, waiting for Caius to return. Finally, she heard the sound of hooves outside, followed shortly by a knock on the door to his office.

It had been over a month since he hadn't shown himself in the bedroom.

A mere glance through the room where she slept, as before, would silence the gossip of the employees. Now, she wondered if he didn’t miss seeing her, even for that brief moment.

To be honest, neither did she.

On the night he hurt her as much as he did a month ago, something small and delicate that had bloomed in her heart withered. Now that he's finally given her some distance, she could stomp on that wilted heart and kill it. She intended to. But the butler's words stung like thorns in her heart.

"He’s a poor man.”

The man who had waited so long for her parents, who never came.

A man who wouldn't believe Ermoli's words, who was angry and hurt that he would dare to assume a future where there was no one.

She had  no reason to feel sorry for the owner of a mansion of this magnitude, but the loneliness that had sunk to the bottom of her heart was palpable.

Louise looked at the small door Caius had used for some time.

Not once since their marriage had she gone there first on a day when she was not called. She had never used that hallway before.

A short, narrow hallway would take her to him.

The mansion was enveloped in silence.

Louise paced the room alone.

In retrospect, she realized that taking the pills to prevent pregnancy on her own accord had undermined their trust.

She realized that they were only pretending, but they weren't really a couple after all. If she had known he would be so disappointed, she wouldn't have done it.

Since they had promised to be real, she should have asked.

Louise reminded herself of her mistake: she had a good reason to visit him.

Even then, it was a long time before she turned the doorknob.

***

The hallway was dark and short, only one more door to his room.

Louise stood in the dark for another long moment.

She turned the doorknob without knocking, thinking that maybe it was locked, because if the man was asleep, she shouldn't wake him up by knocking.

But the door slid open without a squeak.

The room was dark, lit only by a single lantern, and lingered with the strong scent of cigars.

There was no presence of anyone. For a moment, Louise thought the room was empty.

But Caius was there. He was lying dead on the bed, his cravat barely untied and not even dressed for the day.

She shuddered at the thought that he could be so unresponsive.

But as she cautiously approached and looked down, the man was asleep.

The pulse on his long neck rose and fell faintly.

He hadn't slept in a long time and had collapsed from exhaustion. His handsome brow was slightly furrowed.

Louise watched him breathlessly, not daring to move closer.

She knew he was safely asleep, and she should have left, but her foolish feet remained rooted and unmoving.

How long had she watched him?

Caius tugged at the sheets in his sleep, his lips pursed.

"Don't ..................."

His voice was so soft it was barely audible.

Louise quietly squatted closer to the bed. She fought the urge to close her palm over the man's fingers, which were clutching the sheet.

His lips parted once more.

"Don't .................. go."

She wondered what he was dreaming, what abyss he was wandering through, who he was pleading with.

What if it was her parents again, what if she was causing the past to resurface and torment him.

Louise hesitantly lifted her palm and placed it on the back of the man's hand.

The large hand twitched, and then, as if waiting, it turned and clasped hers. It gripped it very tightly.

Then, as if finally relieved, he breathed evenly again and fell asleep.

Louise didn't dare to make a sound, so she just lay there on the carpet. She didn't dare to move her hand, let out a single breath, for fear of waking the man.

Then, after a long time, she fell asleep, relying on the sound of his breathing.

***

**Thought: this moment is both sad and loving.

***Recommendation: if you guys haven’t already read “Elegant Aubrey” on my site binge read it. The ML has similar vibes to Caius and Theodore.

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