Chapter 36
***
His pale gold eyes sparkled with a generous hue today, and his slightly sweaty hair was as fresh as ever.
He didn't seem like the kind of man who would willingly marry a woman when he habitually shot and killed a grouse every morning just to witness her misery.
As Louise pondered these bitter thoughts, a hot arm rested on her shoulder.
"My wife is too frightened to even look at her prey, so I have no choice but to protect her. It would be a shame if I were to be banned from the new chamber for smelling blood."
A round of laughter erupted around them, each chiming in with a few words to join in on Caius' joke.
"If I were you, I'd be resentful and part ways with my rifle for good, especially with such a beautiful wife."
"Somehow, you said the wolf cage was empty. You are as weak to beauty as most men, after all."
Laughter erupted around them once more, but Louise's face only grew paler. Miriam had been right about the animal cages after all.
The shameless man, of course, didn't spit out an excuse.
It was the first time she'd seen him since that ridiculous attempt at bedding her three days ago.
It was only the night before that she had felt a little relieved that they could pretend they hadn't seen each other. As if to mock her optimism, she was suddenly informed of a hunting party.
Amidst the barking hounds and squawking birds, the men's ruckus laughter prevailed.
Even Caius chuckled coolly.
"In the interest of domestic peace and harmony, perhaps we should call it a day?"
He pulled Louise's shoulder closer and asked softly.
"Is that all right, ma'am, and will you forgive me?"
Louise's eyes widened in disbelief.
How to ask for his forgiveness was what she thought about most of the day and night.
Caius lowered his voice to whisper in her ear in frustration as she stared at him.
"What are you doing, Louise? Is the role I ask of you today so difficult?"
Louise snapped out of it.
She hadn't come to play. She wasn't supposed to display her misery for the world to see.
The man had entered into this marriage out of necessity. What he ultimately wanted her to do was to pay off her parents' debt for him.
Whether that means taking on the worn and scattered name of Ermoli, taking on her mother's duty or whatever.
Louise smiled awkwardly and tilted her head slightly toward him, nervously wondering if she was getting too close.
"Yes, but only if you stop here, and I won't slam the door in your face."
"Thank you, Louise."
The man whispered, almost dreamily, and smiled with his eyes closed. It seemed like a long, long time ago that he smiled like that in front of her.
In the midst of her reverie, his lips touched her forehead.
A chill ran down her spine at the frighteningly sweet lie and crack-free smile.
"Now, then, that's all for today."
The man deftly suggested to the surrounding nobles.
"The first prize of the hunt will be awarded to the person who kills the most, regardless of species."
"Eh, even though it's a black grouse hunt?"
"Still, it's a good day."
His hand, still heated, gently brushed Louise's shoulder.
It was the hunt that the man whose family's wedding had been short-lived had chosen in lieu of a wedding banquet.
The man was a young margrave, brusque but attentive, and all Louise could do was smile like a flower in the hunting cap he'd given her.
Averting her gaze from the piles of bird graves was easy enough. The only thing she was really afraid of was the golden eyes like sunshine that didn’t smile at her.
On the way back, Louise clutched her husband's hand with trembling fingers.
With each tug of his lips, harsh words leaked out, and she was afraid to stab herself, afraid to let anyone see her like that.
"Smile."
The man demanded again.
Louise slowly pulled the corners of her mouth up as he ordered. It would do no good to stare up into the glittering golden eyes and beg for forgiveness.
And yet she did it again. She wondered if her parents had truly abandoned him for their lord.
She wondered if there was no one by his side when he was young, disappointed and heartbroken. Had he waited too long and given up on her parents?
Without knowing him, she might have monopolized her parents' love. Perhaps she hadn't been grateful for their overwhelming love, but instead had been needy.
So Louise smiled. As a man wished.
***
The hunt ended safely.
Louise was gracious enough not to be called to the drinking party, which lasted well into the night.
But even after all the invited nobles had departed, she still had a bad feeling in her stomach.
Whenever she saw the chef's carefully prepared roast chicken or duck leg confit garnished with asparagus, she thought of the grouse piled up in the woods and the smell of blood. Her feelings were hypocritical and contradictory because, in reality, the chicken or duck was once a living being.
She wondered if her parents did the same, breaking their promise to a man for her own sake, yet telling her all her life of their loyalty to the imperial family.
The mansion was perfect for the master's wedding, with new wallpaper and new curtains cut and pasted, but to Louise it all felt like a prison, a place to confine and repress her.
The circles on the wallpaper look like eyes watching her, like a pile of stones about to collapse on her.
She walked out of the mansion.
Louise wandered away from the gardener, who greeted her warmly, and ended up on the east side of the main house. A row of tall trees lined the first path, and behind them was an empty field.
It seemed to be a place where linen was hung out to dry on long poles, and the linen was dazzlingly white in the brief midday winter sun.
A stiff breeze blew through the empty lot. Standing among the fluttering linens, Louise's tiny body was hidden as if it had never been there.
Suddenly, she felt like she could breathe.
She opened her arms a little wider to catch the breeze, but then she stopped flailing in the fluttering cloth.
The only thing keeping her from hitting the ground was her heavy dress. It was a waste of an expensive dress that didn't even fit her.
As she sat there, she suddenly heard several footsteps.
Louise jumped up in surprise. She didn't want anyone to see the Countess cowering among the laundry.
In haste, she hid herself behind the longest sheet. The color of her dress was pale and the layers of linen were thick, so she hoped she wouldn't be seen.
She thought her heart would drop when she heard a man's voice.
"There are complaints from the hires."
Tough luck.
It was Caius.
"It's a small thing, I know, but I wonder if she'll be able to adjust to having a maid who hasn't had one before.................."
The next voice was his subordinate, Michael Xavitzer.
Only then did Louise realize that the subject of their conversation was her.
She'd sensed a bad vibe from the subordinates, but to be seen so transparently by others made her feel ashamed.
Even Michael, who was not a nobleman, saw her as a misfit.
But how could she tell him that he was wrong, that he shouldn't look down on her?
Louise was honestly unsure.
And yet, in spite of himself, Caius was sure.
"Still, she’s an Ermoli."
"With all due respect, her noble blood is merely that of her parents, and you have received no benefit from it."
She hadn't heard him say much beyond "yes" and "no," but his words were unexpectedly long.
Footsteps stopped in the distance.
Louise had to hold her breath and wait for them to pass. She was afraid she'd be seen in the wrong place and add to her already unfavorable assessment.
Fortunately, the man's footsteps began to move again. His voice sounded a little farther away than before, so he must be moving away from this place.
"No benefits? Elizabeth Ermoli taught me for twenty years, and just because she left me on that mountain doesn't change who the greatest noblewoman in the empire was."
He added sarcastically.
“Furthermore, I doubt she would have raised the child she protected after abandoning me so carelessly.”
***
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