My child 24

 Chapter 24. Someone who understands you unconditionally

***

I do. If he had followed me, he would have come to me immediately, not a month later.

I decided to give Bordeaux the benefit of the doubt. After talking to him, I had no reason to doubt him.

"I see you believe me."

I didn’t know how he read my mind when I couldn't see his face.

Bordeaux let out a long breath of relief and sipped his tea.

"I actually thought you were going to kick me out, but I never thought I'd be treated to tea. I'm a very lucky bastard."

I followed his lead and took a sip of my tea before answering.

"Whether I like it or not, if you're right, this is meant to be, then I'd better not treat you poorly. I'm all about connections."

When I was a Princess, I didn't overlook repeated connections. I tried to give a little consideration to those who were connected to me anyway.

Not hating people, but maintaining good relationships with those I knew.

I thought these were the virtues of a princess of a nation.

But that harmless belief ultimately cost me dearly.

I trusted Helena, my father, and Henderson.

I hoped for a good relationship with them, a beautiful coexistence, but it ended in ruin.

But even though I had tasted failure, I didn't want to destroy my philosophy once and for all. For there had been many occasions when I had been rewarded for my relationship.

Matilda, my trusted maid, my brother, who stood by me until the end, and many others have helped me in small ways.

Of course, I didn’t always trust the people I was connected to as much as I used to. That was the difference.

"And you, at least, are someone who has helped me."

"Yes. I'll always help you, if you want me to."

Bordeaux spoke as if he would always be by my side. I wondered if he thought he had become my real husband or something. 

"By the way, Renee, I think we met at the right time."

"Why? Is something wrong?"

"Well, I've been thinking about setting up a job in Carson Village, and I'm looking for some help."

"A job?"

Bordeaux's mouth curved into another smile. This time, it was a mischievous one.

 "I'm thinking of opening a cafe in Carson Village."

"..................Cafe?"

Bordeaux nodded.

Now that I thought about it, I vaguely recalled him mentioning the word "cafe" on the boat we'd shared.

If my memory was not mistaken, Bordeaux brought it up.

"On the boat we were on together, I said I had a café business............, do you remember that?"

"Vaguely."

"Well, the one in the capital is doing so well, they have branches all over the country. This one is in Carson Village."

"Okay, wait. So your cafe is doing so well that you want to open a branch in Carson Village, and you want me to be in charge of it?"

"Yeah."

A coffee shop for me, someone who wanted to live a quiet life without being noticed. It sounded ridiculous.

"Nonsense. I can't make coffee, I don't know how to make other drinks, and.................. it’s far from my things anyway."

A few months later, my sweet Eddie was due to come into the world.

I couldn't work with a newborn child.

But Bordeaux was so confident.

"It doesn't matter."

I thought, are you really a successful businessman?

I couldn’t believe he was letting someone who didn’t know how to do anything run his store.

"I can't. It's too sudden."

"You should always make an offer out of the blue, so it's fresh."

"You sound like a savvy businessman."

"That’s right."

"..."

Bordeaux's brazen behavior made me feel like I was being pushed around.

I felt like I'd been soundly defeated by him.

I couldn't think of anything to say next.

"You thought I was lying about the inn, but there is one. What about the cafe?”

Even if he did have a successful cafe, my answer was the same.

"No, I can't. I want a quiet life with Eddie."

"..................Eddie?"

Oops. I realized in hindsight that I had just said Eddie's name out loud. I'd been thinking about Eddie the whole time, so I must have said his name without realizing it. While I was trying to think of an excuse, Bordeaux's lips opened first.

"Was there another man besides me?"

"No. It's not like that."

"..."

But Bordeaux didn't seem to believe me, his face visibly blank, and the air around him seemed to thicken. He lowered his gaze, and his shoulders sagged.

Would it have been better to tell him there was another man?

It would have killed his interest in me, and he might have turned away from me.

I also considered what if I had told the truth.

Eddie was the nickname of my soon-to-be-born child, and if I let Bordeaux know that I was carrying a child..................

How would Bordeaux take that? He would most likely run away, just like he did when I lied about having a man. Worse, he might see me as frivolous.

"Look, I'm actually.................." 

I decided to tell Bordeaux the truth in order to get him off my back and still reject his proposal outright.

It wasn't something I could hide for long anyway. Bordeaux's head snapped up at the sound of my words. The moment I made eye contact with him, I said something close to a confession.

"I'm pregnant, and Eddie is the nickname of my unborn child."

It was the first truth I'd ever spoken since I'd returned to the past, and I think that's why my voice trembled slightly.

I looked at Bordeaux's face.

I expected to see a glint of contempt on his face, but he just looked at me wistfully.

"You must have been through a lot alone."

It didn't seem to be a casual consolation.

His brow furrowed, his face lit up with compassion.

It wasn't a mood you could fake.

Instead, I was surprised.

 "..................?"

"So you traveled by ship to the Remzi Empire while pregnant, and all alone?"

"Yes..................."

"That's amazing. How could you do that? That must have been a tough decision to make."

This man. Normally, people would have asked, "Where's your husband?" or "Why are you alone?" or something like that. Bordeaux didn't ask about my being alone, only that I had a situation that I couldn't talk about. As if he understood that there were things I couldn't tell him.

"Why.................. why don't you ask me anything?"

"I'm sure there are things you can't confess to me, and as a perfect stranger, it isn’t my right to ask about yours."

Bordeaux's use of the word "perfect stranger" to describe the man he had just pretended to be my real husband was awkward.

 "You’re a stranger, but I still try to understand you, because you're a grateful benefactor who helped me in my time of need."

"...."

"I don't know what's going on with Renee. But I want you to know that there is one person who understands you unconditionally."

"You mean that's you?"

Bordeaux replied without hesitation.

"Yes."

"..."

"Because that fact alone might help you live, no, I hope it does."

I felt the heat in the corners of my eyes before he finished.

After I found out I had Eddie, I thought I wouldn't cry for a while.

And I promised myself I wouldn't cry for him.

But eventually, a single tear rolled down my cheek.

I guess I was touched by the fact that he understood me unconditionally, no questions asked.

It felt like a beautiful confession.

Unconditional understanding was the kind of empathy I hadn't received even as Riley.

Henderson had always kept me at arm's length without explaining anything.

The understanding I hadn't gotten from Henderson, the man I thought I was meant to be with, the man I loved the most, the man I believed would be with me for the rest of my life, had been with me for only a few days.

How ridiculous.

I stole a tear from the tip of my chin, which was falling.

Bordeaux watched me stoically.

He could have wiped my tears away without hesitation, but he seemed to know when not to.

That it was better to just watch.

***

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