Chapter 50
***
- yes?
- Weren't we, on this night, just like lovers?
Lovers.
A relationship between two people who love each other deeply.
It was a word that smeared like ointment on my troubled heart all day.
- No prince, no princess, no 'seer’, just you and me, a couple pledged for eternity.
His raspy voice in the spring night made me a complete person in that time.
Eternity, around and around and around again.
The diamond on the finger of my left hand, resting on his left shoulder, seemed to glow like the wedding ring he had put on my finger six years ago.
- I guess it was.................. then.
- We'll do it again someday................ another day like this.
My vision blurred from his voice, his touch.
-A promise is only right if made in advance. Next spring's carnival is too long a wait, I'd rather it be the day before your birthday.
Again, I’m crying.
I had to fight not to wet his shoulders, his back, with endless tears.
I tilted my head and looked up at the night sky, arms outstretched as if to embrace me.
The stars that would one day become me shone down on us.
It was simply beautiful.
Everything in this world, in the time I breathe.
- Before I showed it to anyone else, I put on the hat I would give you, adorned with a bird's feather.
The night air was strangely colored.
I thought I was crying, and I thought he was crying, too.
But he, who never showed any signs of anxiety, only muttered as if nothing was wrong.
- I promise.
- yes. Until that day comes..................
My throat closed up and I had to take a moment to catch my breath.
- I'll make a tie for you.
-Do you know how to do such a thing?
-I know how to knit, to a certain extent. It's been a while since I've done it, so I'm not up to speed, but....... I could probably knit one in a month.
Knitting was a small side job for a child in the slums.
One by one, promises of hope for life piled up between you and me.
Promises that could not be kept, would not be kept.
***
It was in the depths of dawn that I returned to my palace.
He and I stood frozen in place for a moment, stunned by the maid in the front of the palace.
Then, slowly, he lowered me, who he had been carrying, to my seat.
Moving closer to the maid, I touched her shoulder.
- Who are you?
- Your Highness...............?
It was the child. The new 'seer’.
Her body was still chilled from the cool night air.
How long had she been like this?
- Why are you doing this?
- I was waiting for the Duchess....... It's really the only thing I can do.
She was kneeling on the floor, so I pulled her up to her feet.
My knees were ruined because I had been beaten by the Empress since I was a child.
The child, who clung to me, whispered,
- I don't want to leave, Your Grace, please don't abandon me. If you tell me to live a quiet life in the central temple, or in some countryside, I will, but...................
At first, I couldn't understand this obsession she seemed to have with me.
What am I to you?
- Until the end, let me stay by your side.
- What the hell do you think you're doing?
His voice was harsh.
For a moment, raw, unbridled emotion poured out of him.
- Can't you just leave without all this fuss?
- oh, Your Highness. I've done everything wrong, so..................
- If you don't want to bring shame to your unworthy family, you'd better take care of yourself when you get the chance.
The girl’s face turned pale and she could barely breathe.
His murderous demeanor reminded me of something I hadn't realized.
Until the generations were completely replaced, it was I, not this child, who would be granted the tenuous protection of the temple.
Meanwhile, I was the bastard child of a kingdom, a duchess of a duchy.
This child was the one who would eventually kill me, the one who was killing me.
I had overlooked it.
Without me, the whole world will be against her.
They would think she might try to kill me.
Even the king who tried to strangle her. Even the one person who cared about me more than anyone else.
That what I did for her wasn't for her after all. I have to realize this in hindsight once again.
That she was struggling to survive after all.
Just like me.
I had no choice but to make a promise to the child who saw me as her lifeblood.
- I understand, I won't ask you to leave my side.
- Are you sure?
- Yes. So please go home and rest today. If you catch a cold, you won't be around me.
No matter how much it humiliated me. No matter how much she was an unappreciated genius who would deny me the life I've lived.
That was the best I could do.
After sending her staggering away, I had to call for him.
The air around him turned cold, as if in anger.
- Your Highness
He was silent at my call.
I looked at the child in the distance, slowly becoming a tiny dot, and said,
- Just once, please, think about it. She is still a child.
-....
He turned his head away as if to ignore my words.
I opened my mouth to speak again, as if to persuade him.
- When you and I first met, I was just her age. What was I then, in your eyes?
A dot of the past hung in his sideways red gaze.
- So what, what do you want me to do?
- The child has done nothing wrong.
Understanding my whisper, his heavy sigh split the night sky.
- Sometimes I see my beautiful duchess...................
His voice was tinged with the color of a long-ago argument.
-you’re either indifferent, or you have a big heart or don’t have a heart. I can't tell.
- Sadly, it's all of the above.
I realized now that my personality was indifferent compared to others, but that was not the reason for this choice. My heart was narrower than it was wide, and my stomach was full of useless things, and I was fussing over small things. And yet.
- No one says that a child born into the world is guilty of sin, because the child didn't choose to be born, the parents chose to bring it into the world. If there is sin, it's on the parents.
When I looked at her, I saw my own childhood reflected clearly, as if I were standing in front of a well-polished mirror.
And so did the child. I never wanted her to be a "seer," because if I did, there would be many who would choose this path for themselves.
With that said, I wonder what I would have done.
At least this position has given me a lot, so I'm left with an inconclusive question.
What makes me who I am and what will eventually take me away.
But if it weren't for this position, would I even be alive today?
- But, no, it was God's choice. That child was abandoned to a sudden fate.
- And because of that, you are dying? Didn't you say just a few hours ago that you wanted to live?
- I want to live. I want to live desperately, but I'm just saying that if I'm dying, it's not through any fault of her own.
At my words, he shook his head resolutely.
- In my opinion, it is the maid’s fault.
-Your Highness
- If she had not appeared, would such a prophecy have been made, and would all the world have known that your life was coming to an end?
Though the latter was technically a grave of my own making.
His words were fierce.
- When I first found out, I thought of killing myself with a single blow.
Please, please don't think such cruel thoughts.
How could I take your life for nothing?
His gaze was fierce as he stared at the path where the child had disappeared.
Only fierce anger remained, burning endlessly through the night.
Into the night air, he spat out murderous words like he was chewing them up.
- If one dies and one lives, if it is the god's choice, then she must die and you must live.
***
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Write a comment
Lolwtin (Monday, 15 July 2024 20:58)
largo is your best work after my beloved ( to me). Thank you for your wonderful translation.
luv u.