Sorry 48

 Chapter 48

***

“The madam is unconscious!"

"Get a doctor, now!"

The shouts of busy servants echoed in the background. Amidst all the commotion, his father never showed up.

His mother miraculously regained consciousness, and with treatment, she slowly regained her health. But her speech became even more incoherent. Against her will, the fact that she had prayed for suicide was kept a closely guarded secret.

Countess Either's ceremony took place one day not long afterward. 

It was a lively and beautiful mansion, with important people in attendance, and Chaint's parents played the part of a couple who were closer than ever. Even though it was an act, the day felt like a mirage to him. Slipping through his fingers.......

"How are you?"

He spent the rest of the day sitting on a bench, mostly alone. He felt like everyone would notice if his unhappiness mixed in with the crystal clear happiness. He didn't want anyone to know about his misery.

And when he looked up at the sound of a cheerful voice, he saw a golden-haired, sweet child looking down at him.

The child of Duke Either was cute. With a face that seemed to know nothing of the world's misfortunes, she could have been loved and raised by anyone.

"Euris, you have no way of speaking! Greet the Eridov young master formally."

Countess Either, who had come running, scolded the child playfully. The child's lips quickly moved to her mother's pin glass, and under her watchful eye, the girl named Euris spoke again.

"Hello, I'm Euris Either."

Young Euris tugged her skirt slightly to the side and bent her knees in greeting. Chaint rose from the bench and returned the formal greeting.

The girl's expression brightened. As if she had something serious to do, she began rummaging in the small pocket she wore.

What emerged was a large, rattling stone. She held it out, clasping it in her tiny hands, and it had a face on it. It was a smiling face.

"Brother, do you want this?"

Chaint couldn't help but giggle at the awkwardly cute tone.

"Thank you."

As Chaint took the stone, Euris looked at him with pride. She was a pretty girl. Just then, the clouds that had obscured the sun parted.

Brilliant light poured into the garden. The beautiful light shone around the child as if by chance. For a moment, she looked as if an angel had descended.

Somehow, Chaint could not take his eyes off the figure.

The Countess of Either stroked her silky hair and spoke.

"It's time to greet the elders over there. It was a pleasure to meet you, young master, and I'll see you again soon."

"I'll give you a bigger, prettier stone next time we meet!"

Euris said cheerfully. She fluttered away like a butterfly. He watched her from a distance. His gaze lingered on the hem of her fluttering skirt.

After she was gone, he stared at the rock in his hand. A crooked grin stared back at him, as if she'd drawn it herself with oil ink.

"Next time we meet..................."

A series of muttered words followed.

The same routine was repeating itself at the Eridov mansion. The encounter with the child, Euris, was slowly fading into the back of his mind.

His father's misogyny did not improve, and his mother stopped caring for him.

Her mother's second suicide wish was repeated. A dark mood descended on the house again.

"It's .................. so bad, I want to lock her in a psych ward. Chaint, are you listening to me?"

"..................Yes, Father."

"Your mother, that's it."

It was the same lousy meal every day. All the while, the Marquis of Eridov was strangely obsessed with his son, Chaint. Probably because he needed an heir, he assumed.

Months passed.

It was one of those months when he realized he had to go see his half-brother, Cersei, who was a child born in an accident between his father and a maid.

His mother was in her room, being treated for medication side effects, and he hadn't seen her in quite some time.

Chaint was told by the nanny who had cared for him since he was a child that he would be visiting the house where  Cersei lived. He had no intention of meeting him. He just wanted to see, even if only remotely, the child he was related to.

It was impulsive, and he wasn't sure why.

Perhaps she expected a brother to share her plight.

The mansion where Cersei and the woman who had once been Eridov's maid were staying was tucked away in a corner of the estate. It was an hour's carriage ride out of the city center.

Their home was peaceful and small, even from a distance. From the entrance, he could see waves of lilacs in bloom.

He remembered his mother telling him once that she was a woman who tended flowers. The purple lilacs rippled like waves in the breeze. The fragrance that came with them was thick.

It was a dreamy feeling. It was like being transported to another world...................

At last, stepping out of the carriage, Chaint walked away, leaving the nanny standing like a shadow.

'Let's see it from a distance, only from a distance......’

The wind whistled again, and the laughter grew louder as he neared the little house. The laughter of a cheerful child and the laughter of a woman mingled together.

The closer he got, the clearer he heard it.

His pupils dilated a little wider as he faced the thin iron gate.

The world of his mother's childhood fairy tales unfolded before his eyes: a beautiful woman and her beautiful child enjoying a happy time in a flowering garden.

Chaint stood there like a nail.

'I, what did I expect....................'

Cersei had a face full of love. The sight of a child who looked so much like him and so little like her seemed so contrary to his own situation. He looked around as if the woman in the garden had been caught unawares by his proximity. She was beautiful. Not even close to his own mother. His mother was so broken, and the woman who had stolen her happiness was smiling all the time.

He knew he shouldn't think like that. But he did.

"Who are you?"

The woman's cautious voice carried. This was a well-policed neighborhood. So there didn't seem to be much tension.

Chaint turned on his heel, and quickly disappeared from the scene. He ran past the nursemaid and up to the carriage he had come in. He didn't take a single breath until he reached the carriage, which was parked at his feet.

He hoped for happiness. He had hoped for his half-brother's happiness with all his heart.

But when he actually saw them, he didn't know what he had hoped for.

The carriage pulled away. He could feel the nanny's worried expression. Chaint opened his palms. He'd clenched his fists so tightly for so long that his fingernails were now charred.

'I was the only one who was unhappy.’

He knew it in his head. That what he had seen was but a fleeting picture. That Cersi and his mother had suffered some misfortune, too, and might be suffering it now.

But the peace he had seen was too powerful to ignore.

After returning to the mansion, Chaint did not leave his room for some time. Everything around him felt overwhelming. A mother who cried for her father all the time, a mother who thought of death, and a father who never looked at his mother.

"Where can I find love, and am I unlovable?" he wondered.

Once the questions started, they continued for days. He didn't eat much. It was a difficult question for a young boy to ask. He knew the answer.

There was no one in the world who truly loved him.

The kind of parental love that other people take for granted doesn't exist in his life.

With that thought, he looked out the window of his room. His room was quite high up.

"I wonder what would happen if I jumped from here.”

***

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