Chapter 32
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“Then shall we go to work now?”
Aubrey adjusted her pencil with businesslike determination.
“I heard you had a topic in mind. Please tell me what it is.”
“….”
“Count?”
Khaled had the same expression as before.
Now that she thought about it, he didn't have much of a response when she told him he was the main character of her nightmare. She was sure by now he would’ve said something to upset her. But he was just sitting there.
The answer he came up with after a long period of silence once again shocked Aubrey.
“What do I want?”
"Yes?"
“Is this what I wanted?”
“That’s right, Count.”
Could this really be what he wanted?
No matter how much she thought about it, she’d never heard such words from his mouth. She slowly realized it was only her opinion that writing a play scenario was a repayment to the benefactor who saved her life.
Aubrey’s face was filled with embarrassment. Khaled watched the scene, his chin resting on his hand. He clicked his tongue.
“You must’ve had the wrong impression. I wouldn’t ask for such a trivial thing from you, Miss Sandalwood.”
“Well, then why on earth…”
Her mind, which she’d organized in a solemn manner, became chaotic again. She didn’t want to act like an idiot in front of him. He always made her like this. She was frustrated.
“I wanted to meet you.”
“…”
“You were summoned and you arrived very obediently.”
The situation he was talking about was clear. It was also clear that Aubrey Sandalwood was an idiot.
“There was no scenario work to begin with.”
Khaled smiled slightly at Aubrey's low words.
“If there is something you want to write, write it. I will see and judge.”
The hand holding the pencil turned white. Her fist trembled as if she was about to break the yellow pencil.
“Why on earth are you doing this?”
Aubrey barely swallowed her anger.
“I wanted to talk.”
Compared to her fierce eyes, Khaled's answer was very simple.
“I have a question for you.”
Finally, Aubrey put down her pencil and ran her hands down her face.
She was shocked. She couldn’t believe he was giving her this month just to have a conversation. Besides, there was no conversation between the two. In the first place, it wasn't a relationship where they could sit face to face and discuss anything, let alone a play.
“Are you asking me to believe that? Things got to this point just to have a conversation!”
No matter how much she pressed, it was of no use. Bright red anger flowed out of her throat.
“Be clear. Was there a scenario to work on from the beginning?”
“I told you. If you have a story you want to write, write it.”
“I’m not joking!”
Eventually, the voice grew louder.
“How hard was it for me because of your ridiculous suggestion!”
She ground her teeth. Because nightmares came to her after rejecting his offer. Her thighs, which had bruises from being pinched and twisted so much, were tingling.
Aubrey was about to stand and leave, but changed her mind and placed the notebook on her thigh.
“You don't like me. I was so anxious that I couldn’t chase you away! And yet you still come back and do things like this! Tell me what it is you want!”
This time too, she expected a strange answer. Or words that were like arrows piercing deep into her heart. It was when his lips parted, ready to hit back, he braced herself.
“Miss Sandalwood.”
His soft voice cooled even the bomb-like anger that was about to explode.
“Do you really think you can blend in with the upper class?”
Aubrey glared at the man without answering. She answered vigorously, as if showing off.
“Yes, I believe I can truly blend into the upper class.”
“…”
“As long as the Count doesn’t bother me.”
A voice as cold as a knife followed the bold answer.
“Are you going to abandon Nicholas Atherton, who said he was only being nice to you because he felt sorry for you?”
It was vulgar, but it wasn't completely wrong. Because of this, Aubrey could not answer easily and only bit her lip.
At one point, she thought Nicholas might propose. Because he was a pure and transparent person and Aubrey knew he had a secret crush on her.
But her happy daydream was shattered at the masquerade ball. Even though Nicholas came and apologized, it did not erase what she had already heard.
Whatever he might feel for her, she knew it wasn’t sincere.
“No matter how hard you try to fit in, the result is obvious.”
“You sound like you’re guaranteeing something.”
“Then...”
He took out a cigar and lit a match. A bright light moved to the end of the cigar. In an instant, the man's thick-lined appearance stood out.
“I feel bad every time I see you.”
Khaled dropped the lit match on a glass tray nearby. He snuffed out the flame with the burning end of his cigar.
“Because you’re doing what I did.”
Aubrey, who was about to retort, closed her mouth when she heard something unexpected.
“You are stupidly dreaming the dream I once had.”
Khaled let out a laugh that did not suit the atmosphere. Now he knew exactly. The reason why his judgment was distorted every time he saw this woman. Because this woman's goal was to somehow survive here. That’s the reason why what she did was so unpalatable to him.
The proud ambition of being able to blend in with the upper class was once his dream and goal. And Aubrey Sandalwood was doing exactly what he did. In the end, all he got from it was contempt, hurt, and confirmation of his humble origins.
“My biological mother died when I was six years old. There was a stabbing at a gambling table. She got involved without knowing what was going on and died.”
Hazy smoke and his low voice filled the parlor.
“I was about to be sent to the workhouse when a man came to visit. He said my biological father was a duke.”
Khaled remembered it clearly. The man who came to pick him up from a gambling house as a child was Hardi, the butler. Come to think of it, Hardi did a lot of dirty things for the Duke of Karnus.
“I knew I was an illegitimate child before they came. But not because my biological mother told me. She said my father died before I was born. I was so happy to learn my father, who was said to have drowned in the sea, was alive and well and I could join him on his estate.”
“I wondered if heaven was rewarding me for saving a girl.”
When he arrived at the Karnus estate, Khaled felt like he was in another world. All the good things he’d never seen before in his life were found at Duke Karnus' residence. Everything was so easy, and bright. Khaled even loved his stepmother, who did not like him. Needless to say, he had a brother. It took no effort to give his newfound brother his whole heart.
“I also have noble blood, so I wanted to become a member of a noble family from now on. That was my whole goal.”
“Don’t you feel like you’re looking at someone, Miss Sandalwood?”
Aubrey couldn't even breathe due to his slow smile. Khaled, who froze her with his low voice, tilted his head and spit out white smoke. Laughter kept flowing.
No matter how he thought about it, Khaled Karnus was an obedient and good child back then. He was so loyal to his family that he followed everything they said. He longed for the world of nobles. Even when eating, he only ate what his brother ate, only did things his brother did.
He didn't cry even when he was corrected harshly. He endured it as if his entire appearance had to be changed, from his standing posture to his gait, the shape of his hand holding cutlery, the shape of his mouth that clenched when chewing.
Khaled believed that if he worked hard to even be like his brother, he would be accepted, approved of.
What should I do about that fishy smell!
But it always came back the same way.
That guy smells fishy.
Laura always called Khaled that.
Even the children who came to the ladies' teatime said so to Khaled.
It smells like rotten fish.
At times like that, Khaled would hurriedly go to a corner, put his nose on his forearm or hand, and smell himself. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t smell anything like fish. Khaled thought there might be something wrong with his nose.
He never cried. If they laughed, he laughed. That's how an elegant and noble nobleman is. If he held on like this, his dream would come true.
But he lost his mind first.
There were more days spent falling asleep in the punishment room in the basement than in his bedroom. His wrists and ankles were always tied with something, leaving red marks barely covered by the cuffs of his shirt. The cold, stuffy basement air suffocated his breathing and gave him an embarrassing cough that persisted.
“That’s why I feel dirty every time I see you.”
“Because you look like I did.”
Every time he saw Aubrey who wants to become a noble, what comes to mind was the feeling he had at that time. Memories of his painful childhood, stained with abuse and violence, seemed to crawl all over his body like bugs.
Aubrey said nothing and just looked at him. He confessed his quite shocking past with a casual expression.
The resolution of a six-year-old boy was her resolution. The boy who ate only what his older brother ate in order to become a member of the family somehow crossed paths with himself, who imitated Emily's upright sitting posture.
Aubrey met the boy who grew up like that on Crysis Island. A boy who looked at the night sea with insensitive eyes that did not suit his age. A face that wasn't surprised when it saw a girl who had been beaten, starved, and hunted begging and crying in front of his eyes.
She felt like she finally understood why he had that face.
“So don’t do something obvious and disappear.”
When she looked up, she saw him spitting out acrid smoke.
There were no boys here. The only thing in front of her was a man with sharp eyes.
Khaled Karnus. A person who was not pleased with her very existence. Because he was copying exactly what he did in the past. Because she reminded him of his past.
“I am not you.”
Khaled was about to put down the cigar he was smoking in the ashtray. A calm voice made him stop.
“I said the obvious, right? But I’m not. I’m not like you.”
“Khaled Karnus, I am not you.”
Even with her haggard complexion, the woman's eyes sparkled. It was strange she felt more alive than before. Khaled couldn't understand himself. He couldn't help but smile.
“So please, don’t touch me anymore.”
Aubrey took her notebook from her lap and stood.
“You will regret it.” The corners of his mouth rose slightly as he spoke softly.
Aubrey despised herself for still being transfixed by his every word.
“You said there was no script work from the beginning, so I’ll leave now. And I hope I never see your face again.”
Khaled raised his head at her voice filled with anger. Aubrey spoke clearly into those deep blue eyes.
“Because soon you won’t be the only one who knows my secret.”
Aubrey left without another word. As she hurried down the stairs, she strengthened her budding resolve.
She would say it before he could. So he could no longer threaten her with her own secrets.
Aubrey had faith in her Aunt. She was sure she would understand.
“Miss Sandalwood, are you finished already?”
“Yes. Thanks to you, it ended very smoothly.”
Aubrey forced a wide smile.
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