My child 3

 Chapter 3. The lady is so clueless 

    ***

     

    My father opposed my marriage to Henderson to the end.

    For the ludicrous reason that he didn't like his birth and his handsome face.

    He had even warned me that Henderson's looks would cause problems with women.

    'Maybe he was right,'  I thought.

    He couldn't change my mind and eventually married us.

    But as if in retaliation, he often sent Henderson to other countries.

    He had spent the last few years doing more diplomatic work than working within the Empire or tending to his estates.

    Did Henderson neglect me because he was angry at being given an unreasonable command?

    Was that why he had turned to another woman?

    I couldn’t blame Henderson for leaning toward another woman, because I thought I was partly to blame for his rejection of me.

    I pushed aside the many questions swirling in my head and looked Helena in the eye.

    There was not the slightest flicker in her mesmerizing eyes.

    Bizarrely, she had requested tea with me in the name of comforting me.

    I dismissed all the servants.

    To ask her if she had enough integrity to look me in the eye.

    When we were alone in the parlor, there was an unspoken tension in the air.

    "Lady Riley. Is there anything you'd like to say to me after you've dismissed everyone?"

    There was no reason for me to tremble, but sweat trickled down my palms from the unknown tension. I clenched the locks of my dress tightly.

    "I will be blunt."

    Helena gave a small nod of her head.

    "I saw Young lady go into Henderson's room last night, can I ask why?"

    I was glad my voice didn't tremble. The hand holding the dress was shaking uncontrollably.

    Helena, on the other hand, was stoic.

    She hadn't even realized she'd been caught with a man with a family, something that could have been a major obstacle in her path.

    I hated myself for being so contrary to her, for trembling in my own natural temper. It was then that Helena's lips parted after being closed for several seconds.

    "Ah. Did you finally notice?"

    I asked, feeling rather dumbfounded by the unexpected answer.

    "What ......?"

    "It's the one thing I’ve used to my advantage because the lady is so clueless."

    "..."

    "It's been a year of trying to be nice, phew."

    Helena smiled smugly. As if she was pleased that I'd noticed their secret affair.

    In that moment, I remembered all the different ways Helena had been nice to me over the past year.

    "Lady Riley. Good morning!"

    "I found some pretty flowers on my way over, so I brought you some."

    Was all that acting a lie? Goosebumps broke out all over my body as I realized I'd fallen for Helena's act.

    "You really didn't know that me and the Duke were involved?"

    "Lady Helena......."

    "I've been so nice to you, lady Riley, because...... because I feel sorry for you."

    "..."

    "Why, cheating husbands are often nice to their wives because they're sorry."

    Helena stuck out the tip of her tongue and made a small "oops" sound.

    "It's the Duke who should have been nice to Lady Riley, not me, isn't it?"

    I remained silent, biting my lower lip in a small gesture.

    Even with Helena's admission of the truth, I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. Even though she’d been flirting with Henderson for the past year, he was the wrong man for an affair. No one knew him better than me, his wife, even in the most intimate of relationships. For one thing, he wasn't interested in women.

    So uninterested, in fact, that before he married me, there were rumors that he was attracted to the same sex.

    But...... Helena's eyes, looking straight at me, seemed genuine.

    And I overheard them talking yesterday about their future together. Maybe now I would have to admit that they were in love. A wild whirlwind swirled in my mind.

    I had prided myself on knowing Henderson, but maybe I was being arrogant.

    Anger, betrayal, regret, despair------ and a million other emotions that I couldn't pinpoint. I splashed the black tea in my teacup in Helena's face, unable to control my rage.

    "How could you do that?"

    She brushed her face nonchalantly with her sleeve, as if she knew I would do that.

    When we met again, her eyes were even more intense.

    I couldn't find her steady self in them.

    Helena looked like someone else.

    I cringed, but with all my might, I swallowed my tears.

    The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of Helena, who had so openly revealed that she was having an affair with my husband.

    "Doesn’t love do what it wants?"

    I couldn't retort.

    Because I agreed with her brazen statement to a certain extent.

    Just as I couldn't help but continue to love Henderson despite my father's objections.

    "And while I'm at it, I'll tell you one more thing: Henderson has always liked me better than you."

    "..."

    "The lady had Eddie, and he was forced to marry you for his own advancement. Even though your father was sending Henderson out of the country, he was being recognized more than ever by marrying you.”

    Every word of her confession stabbed me in the heart. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

    "But what can you do now that Eddie, the person who held his ankle, is dead......."

    The moment Eddie's name came out of Helena's mouth, I opened my lips, which had been heavily closed. I didn't know what to do about Henderson, but I couldn't forgive her for speaking ill of my beloved child.

     "Young lady, shut that mouth, and if you say his name one more time, it won't end with tea this time."

     "Yes, ma'am, I will shut that mouth."

    Helena rose from her seat with a faint smile.

    "I'm sure you don't want to see the look on my face, so I'll leave you to it."

    "..."

    "When Henderson returns, you can ask him about our relationship. In the meantime, I hope you'll take care of yourself......."

    The sound of Helena's shoes faded into the distance.

    I wanted to pull her to her feet, slap her across the cheeks, spew a tirade.

    But I couldn't hold on to her through the tears that streamed down my face.

    I shook my head and cold tears fell.

    ***

    Deep into the night, I could not fall asleep.

    I wondered what had changed in Henderson's mind, and whether Helena, who saw Eddie as a distraction, had killed him without anyone knowing.

    Where and how did it go wrong?

    I tossed and turned and fell asleep just before dawn.

    In my dreams, I saw Eddie, whom I missed dearly.

    Perched on my thigh, he stared up at me, his red, full lips pouting.

    "Mommy. I want to be a flower."

    I asked why.

    "Because my mom has a happy face when she looks at flowers. I want her to look at me with that face...... Do you think Eddie's wish is weird?"

    "No, it's not."

    With a tearful face, I hugged him as tightly as I could.

    I loved him.

    So much so that if you asked me if I would rather die, I would.

    And yet, I couldn't look at him happily, because he looked so much like Henderson.

    The more he got from Henderson, the harder it became to look at his face.

    His dark hair and silver eyes reminded me of Henderson. It was painful to see someone who looked so much like him, who had become so cold to me.

    "I'm sorry, Eddie. I love you more than flowers."

    I patted him on the back.

    My tears streamed down the back of his head as I hugged him.

    That was the end of the dream.

    "......ha."

    The vision was of a conversation I'd just had with Eddie.

    I had gotten rid of all the potted plants in his room since then, I think.

    I regretted that, and he often went down to the flowerbed to look at the flowers.

    I didn't want him to be envious of the flowers, but I couldn't stop him from sitting on the flowerbed because he loved them.

    All I could do was promise myself to look at him with a happy face.

    But before I could do that, the child died.

    The child who wanted to be a flower was buried in the cold soil.

    I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, thick tears fell.

    They hadn't dried since the day he died.

    I wiped them away with my sleeve.

    It was at that moment that I felt a strange pull.

    ***

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