Chapter 38
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#D-78
The transition between spring, spring, and summer again, when we were busy preparing for the hunt.
The king and queen had announced their return to the kingdom.
The king shook his head at the suggestion of a small farewell banquet.
#D-77
The couple went their separate ways, as they had come.
The Queen left the palace at dawn, never looking back, and headed for the train station, while the King seemed unable to leave. For a long time, he stood in front of the royal carriage.
The wide-open carriage door looked pitiful.
- ...... daughter.
I had no answer for the awkward words that were spoken with difficulty.
I didn't even know what to say.
The words that had once been so desperately needed to be heard, now seemed so unnecessary.
Just like that, just like that.
Meaningless, no, paradoxically very meaningful.......
- Once, just once...... May I hug you?
It was definitely something I could say no to without looking back.
Just like that, you died in my heart, a human being who really didn't need anyone.
You made it so.
I was able to prove it all with a single act.
But the sight of your haggard shoulders and the last of you for all eternity, I couldn't.
Later, when I said goodbye to this world.
Perhaps it was because I knew that I would be the one who would regret and grieve the most about this day.
-And so be it.
The king's eyes narrowed at my answer.
He lifted a trembling hand and placed it on my shoulder.
For the first time in my life, my father's arms trembled as he held me for the last time.
This is what it feels like. Oh, my God, this is what it feels like.
Something so insignificant, so insignificant, but something I had never had before.
Inwardly, I put a small question to my lips.
- My brother, have you seen him?
-Do I have the right to see that child?
-Your Majesty.
My voice was as firm as ever. I dared to speak as if I were giving advice.
I didn't speak much, but now, it seemed, I should.
- You've heard it said that the two greatest punishments for parents are to have a sick child and for the child to die first.
- Yeah.......
The voice of the king, who would experience both, was disastrous.
There were no what ifs in this world, but just in case...... found me.
If the king had been just another commoner, this blood tragedy wouldn't have happened in the first place.
- The relationship between me and Your Majesty is now irreparable, no matter what, and that would have been the case even if I hadn't been near death, for if it hadn't been for this day, I wouldn't have you in front of me now.
But it's not like I've forgiven the king of my past, or that I've incinerated the memories etched into me.
I have only dulled the festering wounds, but the red scars remain.
- Your Majesty should have given me all the teachings a parent can give, while I was still at your knee.
Whence came this courage.
Was it because he stood silently by, angry on my behalf.
I vented all the grievances I'd been building up, grievances I didn't even know existed.
- you shouldn't have insulted me for being Demimonden's daughter, and you shouldn't have told me to understand that Your Majesty hated me, even though it was natural for you to do so. You shouldn't have put the blame for the problems between the parents on me; you should have taken responsibility as the one who brought me into the world.
-......Yes.
I sank beneath the weight of the arms that held me.
- I shouldn't have bullied you for not following what I wanted, and I shouldn't have scolded you for not doing what I want. I'm not fighting with you, a child who didn't know anything...
Muttering through a locked throat, the king stroked my hair.
- I should have taught you well, encouraged you, comforted you, trusted you, and watched you do what was right........
Come now, say you've realized that?
What's past can't change anything.
For me, it was too late, but for the king, there was still one thing he could change.
-Isn't there still time for you to do that for my brother, for the queen?
- My dear, your brother is….. I cannot bear.
- As royalty, I understand that he was abandoned, but as a parent?
The Queen has lived her entire life with my brother, a man who even in my eyes appeared to be a beast, buried in her heart.
Now I was in no mood to learn.
- Isn’t Your Majesty trying to embrace me now not as a king, but as a parent? As the King, Your Majesty cannot treat me like this
The king himself confessed with his own words.
Therefore, it was undeniable.
- They say that a parent's love for their child is unconditional, but as someone who has never been a parent and has only lived as a child.
When I said this, I had to look at him as he stood there, silent, because he was desperate for a child.
- A child's love for a parent is also unconditional.
I couldn't help but think of my own struggle to be loved.
- My brother may not have gotten over the day he was abandoned, and in the midst of it all, he's hunkered down, waiting for the two of you to come home to him. For the day when he will be called son and be held in your arms.
-......
The king had no answer.
-From the day I received the prophecy, I began to keep a diary, and the first thing I wrote in it was to list the things I hoped to accomplish in the time I had left. One of them was.
I added a vain smile.
- It was to listen to my daughter.
It wasn't a name I'd long since forgotten, but I wanted that one title so badly.
I wanted it so badly that it felt like a business card, a luxury I could afford, even though I knew it would fade away in the wind.
-Because I didn't think I'd ever hear it after I died.
- Sweetheart.......
- I hate you so much for making the most obvious thing in the world your life's work. And yet⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯
The long words stuttered out.
-Because I'm your child, and you're the one who brought me into the world. As I said before, I couldn't help but love you unconditionally.
This was also a sincerity that I could not reveal unless it was now.
Largo, it is not.
In my mother's past, the king was the sweetest, most perfect man.
My mother always said that he would one day lead me to the palace in a golden carriage drawn by white horses.
So as a child, spending a lot of time alone, I used to imagine the king like that.
But the day we met, all those dreams crumbled to dust.
-.... unconditional.
The king made a sound of swallowing a groan. His head hung.
Hot water fell.
- So bring back my brother, while you still can.
-You, you.......
The voice was a steady, stifling sob.
- You were a child who never smiled, even on my lap....... If you weren't in your mother's arms, you were too busy crying, and if you were in your nanny's arms, you were screaming. You were so demanding and sensitive, and yet.......
After what I heard last time, there was a story I didn't hear.
- The way you looked at me⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯ was so different, so obviously different.
I kept my mouth shut and listened as the story continued.
For it was a memory from a time I didn't remember anyway.
-what do you know? The fingers that squeezed as if I were the end of your world, the eyes full of trust that said....... The way you followed me with your eyes, with your actions, even when you cried when you weren't in your mother's arms⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯. What do you know about me? What do you believe in me, so.......
Because you were my parent.
It was inexplicable other than that.
- There were days when we were together....... I should have given you happiness on my lap.......
After speaking his regrets, the king took a couple steps back, away from me.
My tear-stained face turned toward him.
-Your Majesty.
- yes.
- I may be putting too much pressure on you….
The king barely swallowed.
There was something in me that I had shaken off, and now I could not help but feel sorry for him as he pondered his regrets.
- Please be good to my brother.
-......
- Do for him what you haven't done for me, let him do what he wants to do....... And what you can't do for me, you can do for him.
- I will.
A solemn reply rang out, and the king climbed into the carriage.
The coachman cracked his whip. As I watched the carriage drive away, I sent a final farewell in my mind.
Still, goodbye.
Forever hated, my father.
***
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J (Monday, 15 January 2024 04:16)
Omg �