Chapter 35
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#D-79
It was time for the sun to rise, and everything in the world to finally shine.
Early in the morning, he led me to the Star Palace, located in the corner of the royal palace.
It was not a mere star chamber, but a lavishly decorated space filled with nameless things.
The place was, to say the least, too shiny to be a ruin.
It felt more like a display case for high-quality goods than a place to live.
Maybe it was a beautiful prison built for just one person.
Even after six years of living in the Duchy, it felt funny to take my first steps here.
It was like stepping into a snowy field on a winter's day, into an uncharted space where no one had ever set foot before.
I realized that even though I had considered myself a stranger only a few days ago, I hadn't really done anything.
I had been stifled by my origins, swallowed my fear, and refused to do anything about it.
- I thought and thought and thought, and I realized.
As we walked side by side through the space he had decorated to show someone, he spoke in a bitter voice.
- That you were right after all.
- When you say right, what do you mean?
- That one can't help but regret the past and fear the future. That you should live in the present, in the living, breathing now, rather than clinging to the passing and the uncertain.
There were fingertips touching me, caressing me, embracing me. The warmth of the human touch was overwhelming.
- That it's okay to be together, even if it's just for the moment. It's time to share everything, to be honest, and to look forward without regret.
-....
- So...... we can live in a world that doesn't make sense, and be each other's only understanding.
He turned his gaze slightly, taking me in.
I didn’t know why, but his gaze, the feeling it conveyed, sent a chill down my spine.
- I'd made promises, sworn to myself, and then failed to keep any of them.
A voice filled with regret washed over me.
If you think about it, I had a lot to be sorry for, too.
- Every day, I complained; I cried out for understanding without telling you; I wanted you to know without telling you.
I thought it would work. Contrary to what he said, I didn't.......
- I don't know the queen's inner workings.
A voice stopped us in our tracks.
At the end of the corridor, to our surprise, there was the king and queen.
Arguing, oblivious to our presence.
- It was truly an abomination.
- Abominable? That's what I'm going to say. I don't know what's going on with you, Your Majesty, still, still.
Their stares at each other were intense.
The king's lips curled into a tight line.
- He didn't care.
Not care? Who? Me? Really, that's what they thought?
- I'm the one who's been paying attention to the prince all this time, not you, but you've traveled all the way to the duchy and I thought you'd at least see his face?
- Yes, you were the one who cared, not me. But it was inevitable, wasn't it?
The queen's voice bounced off the colorful walls.
- I couldn't stand up for myself as a queen, as a princess of the Northwest Kingdom! But you're the one who abandoned my child, not me!
To my dismay, he took a familiar step back, cutting me off.
When I looked up at him in confusion, he raised his index finger to his lips.
We stood there, watching the two of them.
- I tried to protect you, somehow, even by giving myself! But it was you, not me, who prevented me from doing so!
The Queen sobbed, her whole body trembling.
- And so, Your Majesty, you will be punished.
-What? Punished?
- How I have waited for this day....... How desperately I have waited for this day. Do you, Your Majesty, have any idea? Have you even guessed?
My husband, who stood in my way, clenched his fists.
This time it was my turn to gently squeeze his hand.
The roles reversed for a moment, I looked up at him and smiled wryly.
For some reason, his long, dark eyelashes fluttered.
Their bickering continued as his hand slipped around my waist.
-You don't know, you couldn't possibly know, because you don't care!
The queen's sneer echoed loudly through the ornate ruins.
- You heartlessly abandoned the child you gave life to in the name of father, and did you think your crime was light?
- If the queen had something to protect as queen and princess of the Northwest, I had more than enough to protect as king of a kingdom.
But if you listen to the queen.
The king was surprisingly calm and aloof.
I knew he was angry in that way.
-As if this whole thing is my fault.
- Of course, it's all your fault. Where is my fault? Didn't you have the audacity to throw away what I was trying to protect? I've been carrying that child in my heart ever since.
- Who doesn't live with a question on their mind?
The king's voice rang out coldly.
- And it was not the prince, but the princess, who was heartlessly abandoned in the name of her father.
It didn't hurt anymore, it was just reality.
Was it because there was something worn out in my relationship with the king?
Unlike my clenched fists, I was able to take his words in stride.
The Queen, who seemed to harbor intense emotions, exaggeratedly shook her head.
- You call her a Princess now? That's a strange thing to say. Did I ever have a daughter?
- If you've accepted her as her stepmother, then admit it.
-Stepmother, that's a pretty word.
I agreed.
Unlike the holy name, the relationship between the Queen and I, woven with its sublimity, was ugly.
-But who in the world could accept such an unholy thing into my arms?
- And all those who embrace it in their hearts have strange heads?
- So, I'm supposed to abandon my own child and take someone else's to my heart? I'm not too stupid to do that, even for a poor dog.
- Comparing beasts to humans? Your Majesty has a narrow mind. Don't give me any other excuse.
-Narrow-minded? If I'm a very narrow-minded person, I'll just pretend that narrow-mindedness doesn't exist. It's okay, what's the harm?
I listened to the argument and realized, vaguely, that there was a problem.
The venom the queen was spewing at me was nothing but bird's blood.
It wasn't me or my mother she really wanted to kill, but the King himself.
My mother and I were merely tools to make him suffer.
My mother, in particular, was merely a victim of the quarrels of an already dysfunctional, legalized couple.
- But such a generous gesture, Your Majesty, why not show off and boast to your heart's content?
The corners of the queen's mouth curled upward, a little crookedly.
- Why, you who have a heart as wide as the sea, did you not take it as a generous gesture when you realized that your own daughter, who would not hurt you if you gave her affection, was the gardener's seed?
There was nothing to hide, nothing to conceal, and the quarrels of the relationship were so fierce that they were all laid bare.
I wonder if that's what it means to be in a relationship that's over.
It reminded me of the relationship between my husband and me, and I was relieved.
Our last quarrel didn't seem to have gotten that twisted.
Yet, there was a way back. That there was a better future, reflected in another mirror.
- What if the whore was kicked out, what would it have been like if her blood had been recognized as an illegitimate child and given at least one small title?
The queen's tongue became a sword, tearing everything to shreds.
- If you had made her a baroness, I would not be listening to you now and laughing at you. It is so ridiculous that I cannot bear it, my dear husband, whom I honor so much.
***
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