Chapter 30
***
- Is this something I really need to do?
It was a question, really. I swear to you, there was no other intention, no reluctance.
It's just that meeting a head of state is not something I've ever done before.
I was just wondering if it was something that I shouldn't have to do in the future.
-Is there any alternative.......
But at my clumsy question, my aunt-in-law scowled.
- How long will you continue to speak irresponsibly?
- When you say irresponsible, what do you mean?
- Why would they come all the way to the Duchy? Do you think you're going to deliver the Word of God in a place where there are two of them, where there are no other 'seeers'?
There was nothing to say in response to the pointed question.
As I stared, she changed her tone, as if to soothe me.
- Of course, I understand that you're busy with the king and queen, and I know the situation you're in isn't easy, but Your Highness.
There was a pause at the title.
There was no more direct complaint than that.
- You can't be the west princess forever.
The realization washed over me like a tidal wave.
I was a complete stranger.
In no kingdom, in no Duchy.
Still. Even now.
- When I...... wasn't good enough.
-Yes, Your Highness, I've been meaning to tell you this for a while now, but I’m finally getting around to it.
Her face remained expressionless as she thought.
Considering the queen's mania, it would have been more accurate to say that she was angelic.
- Your Highness will depart as a duchess.
It was a sound that left me with many thoughts.
Born illegitimate to a king, becoming a 'seeer’, being called the West Princess, but eventually dying as the Duchess of a duchy.
Who knew?
That I would close my eyes with such a heavy name.
I've always felt lonely and overwhelmed, but to see me up close would have been a different person.
At the very least, I have risen from the humblest of beginnings to the most precious of positions, and many may envy me for the good fortune I have stumbled upon.
- Please take the rest of your time to think about the responsibility you have for sitting there. I want you to spend it free of regret and shame. For your sake, for the sake of our duchy. And for His Royal Highness.
Ha, there was a heavy sigh.
- They were requested by His Highness himself, and I thought you might know something. At least, more is known than is known to 'the seeer’.
I inclined my head once toward my aunt, who delivered the facts.
- Dear Princess...... I would like to apologize.
- No, never mind.
Her face contorted strangely as she clasped her hands.
- I apologize for not being able to be friendly. I’m not one to do that.
Most people in the duchy would have known that she was as fair as she was cold.
I lowered my eyes to indicate that it was okay, and she let out a small sigh.
Then she blurted out something unintelligible.
- What a gem, the child was.
-yes?
-His Highness.
- May I ask what you mean by that?
Hard, unbreakable, and shining brightly no matter what cut her, without a scratch...... I knew she wouldn't crumble under the most gale-force winds; she wouldn't fret if she had a hard time, and if she fell, she'd get right back up and walk on; but she did.
My aunt-in-law's, how could I put it, white and sad color, embraced me.
-Grand Duchess.
-yes?
-I know it's not what you want, but...... Stay as long as you can. In this duchy. So................
She chewed her full lips. I could see anxiety and nervousness in her that I had never witnessed before.
-Please let me know that His Highness was not wrong in choosing you.
I couldn't help but smile bitterly.
They say there's no order to the way a man goes, but maybe something really bad will happen in this little window of time.
Still.
The hourglass still ticked inside me.
Because every grain of it was crumbling.
***
Since the birth of the new Seeer, I had not set foot in the temple.
It's true that I haven't had the time, but if I'd been more diligent, I'm sure I could have offered a simple prayer in the shrine.
But I did not, even though I could have.
Perhaps it was my narrow-mindedness, my bitterness at God for choosing someone other than me.
I couldn't help but feel abandoned by the one I served.
It was a strange sensation to push myself into the temple I had been attached to for so long.
I had betrayed God with my heart, and yet the stillness of the auditorium enveloped me in its cozy embrace.
A strange, strange feeling.
I shook my head awkwardly, as if I were the first person to set foot in this place.
There were two elders in the room, as calm as my mother's womb.
I promised not to tell you any lies, so I'll be honest.
It's an honor, it's my duty, it's what I have to do, it's what I have to do, and all those excuses are gone.
It's just, I didn't want to meet these people.......
That was my most honest feeling.
To face them would be to confirm the prophecy tattooed on the back of my neck.
In contrast to my bitterness, they greeted me with gentle faces.
- They've been waiting.
The Hearer spoke to me.
The Hearer and the Reciter, walking in the sunset of life, faced each other and smiled.
It was like watching a loving couple, even though they were not in a relationship.
Then the Reciter, an elderly woman, gently beckoned to me.
-Come here.
Her soft voice was so enchanting that I felt as if every inch of my soul had been cleansed.
It was at this moment that I understood why the world said she had a heavenly voice.
I took a hesitant step toward her.
Seated on a chaise longue, she swept me into her arms.
Her scented embrace was so warm that it awakened an old hunger within me.
To have this warmth just a little longer, to not want to let go of this unconditional comfort.
Such, old hunger.
- It doesn't feel like anyone else’s.
Fingertips stroked the back of my neck as she chanted softly.
It was as if a prophecy had been read, and the Reciter let out a small lament.
- You know why we're here.
The mysterious voice of the Reciter faded away, like the sound of a harp plucked by an angel.
- We are not like you...... We were born listeners and singers. So, this tragedy................
A single, heavy teardrop fell onto her shoulder.
A strange, strange feeling.
Even my eulogy for my mother, the woman I could say I loved the most in the world, was a single tear.
But what did this tear mean to someone I met for the first time today.
Why did it feel so much heavier and more precious than my own tears for my loved ones?
What did it mean for someone to cry for someone else?
The story of the unlearned heart lingered in me, yearning for answers that would never come.
- A long time ago.
-Yes.
- There was a king dying of a disease.
In place of the dying seeer, who swallowed her tears, the Listener recited an old myth.
- The god said, "If anyone is willing to die in your place, I will take that person's life in your stead." And so it was.
Thud, the sound of the Hearer taking a step, echoed through the void.
There was a faint smile on his face as he gazed up at the statue that was both compassionate and relentlessly cold.
- The young king pleaded. My subjects who have served me with loyalty, my aged parents who loved me unreservedly, my friends with whom I shared a close friendship....... All had sworn, even to the point of death, that they would give their lives for him. All had refused his request. One, and only one.
The Hearer looked back at me, still in the arms of the Reciter.
- Only the queen had come forward to die in the king's place.
An unspeakable air swirled around us.
-Yes, only a wife, who loved her husband dearly...... she would die in his place, her beloved. God, kill me and save him; and so she prayed.
I remembered the unforgettable hour, the raindrops falling from his eyes.
My throat was tight, I could only stammer out a question.
-His Highness would do the same?
***
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